When it’s not about the money

Recently, a friend shared that she was funding her daughter’s post-graduate education.   She sounded apologetic.

It’s funny how sometimes parents think there must be some clear demarcation line – some age or achievement or victory level – where we STOP giving our kids money.

Add addiction, it gets even more complicated.

Jacob worked as a barista during his rising years of substance abuse.  I never questioned where his money went.  After all, it was his, right?  He was earning it.

But it was obvious.  Not a cent showed up in his savings account.

Fast forward years later.

I don’t pretend to know AA.  That’s for those with an addiction who choose to belong to this worldwide, impressive, mysterious, spiritual and successful organization.

But I’ve learned that through AA those recovering from addiction learn about money, just as they learn how to handle all facets of their lives.

Once Jacob found recovery – and AA – he never asked his father or me for money again.

Instead, we find ways to “give” to him:  treating him to dinners, vacations, time with the family to ensure we had him there.

It is as much for us as it is for him.

Just weeks ago, he faced a situation where a family vacation cost him some money.

I offered to replace it.

My reasoning?  He had joined the trip as much for us as for himself.

His response surprised me.  It shouldn’t have.

“No Ma.  You shouldn’t do that.  This is on me.  It’s my problem.   I need to figure it out.”

A response straight out of recovery – and more than a decade in AA.

What AA has taught Jacob his mother never could.

And just like that, it’s no longer about the money.