When “Sorry” isn’t enough

He’s still waiting.

Somehow my husband thought, magically, once our son was in recovery and had a decent job he would offer to pay for all the shattered side mirrors on our Chevy Trailblazer that he drove during high school.

Just one of many “expenses” from his years with addiction.

And since he was in AA, practicing the Twelve Steps, surely compensation was due any day.

But that never happened.

What did was even better.

When Jacob had nearly a year of sobriety and a secure job with an oceanfront restaurant, I visited him in South Fla.  One morning we met at a popular breakfast shop on the corner of a busy intersection.  It was early. The rising Florida sun warmed our faces and lit his clear hazel eyes.  My heart leapt just to see him so healthy, the son I knew returning with each passing day.

I mentioned what his father had said. And the conversation, now many years ago, went something like this:

“Mom, sure.  I can pay you and Dad back.  But I’d rather pay you back in other ways – you know.  Like showing up, being there for you, like this.”

At the time I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but through Al-Anon, and attending AA meetings, it became clear.

What he was saying, without wording it, was “living amends.”

He has been true to that word ever since.  Making time for us when we visit South Florida, flying home to Maryland when family events and vacations call, texting with that Hillman sense of humor when we are miles apart.

As the commercial goes, paying us cash back?  Sure.  That would be okay, even easier.

But living amends?

Priceless.