When she is ready

Recently, my husband and I spoke at a treatment center for adults suffering with addiction.

In front of us sat some 25 men and women, a few in their twenties, but most seemed much older, in their fifties or sixties. We talked about our son, how his addiction began in high school and haunted his early adulthood.

But we were really there to talk about ourselves, how Jacob’s addiction affected us, and how – just as he found AA – we found Al-Anon.

When I shared that he has more than fourteen years in recovery, they applauded.

He still attends AA meetings, and we still attend Al-Anon.

That last statement caused some confusion.

One man wearing a dark sweatshirt and a scruffy beard, a hood covering his long gray hair, threw up his hand.

So, what did your son use? He asked

Pills, mostly.  I replied.  Oxycontin.

He still looked confused.

But you said he goes to AA?

 It is confusing, especially for an older generation that knows AA only as a place for those who abuse alcohol.

But the toughest question of all came from a young man worried about his girlfriend.

How can you get someone to go to Al-Anon? he asked.

For just a beat, I stared back at him.

How can you get someone to go to AA? I responded.

He stared back, but I think he understood.

You can’t make someone attend any program let alone seek treatment.

All you can do is take care of yourself and maybe – with time – your recovery will help someone you love to find theirs.